The Littlest Executive

September 7, 2011 in Life by GG | No comments

Sitting in my backyard on Labor Day, surrounded by beautiful trees and singing birds and my son chasing my dogs with various toys, I could not relax. I just couldn’t.

The normal tranquility of my yard was not bringing me any of the peace it normally does. I could only think about all of the changes going on in my life, worrying over decisions and the timing of decisions, what course of action would be best, and on and on and on my anxiety went.

I am in the middle of large, life-changing changes in my professional life. I am closing one business — the business that has been my bread and butter for the past fourteen years — and making major changes in the other. This is all planned, intentionally giving myself the time and space to move in a more creative direction and start doing something that fuels my soul. But while that sounds lovely, it is not without doubt, guilt, second guesses and drama.

While I know where I want to end up, the road that I need to take to get there is proving to be a trying and testing one. I keep feeling like a little girl playing at business. There’s seven-year-old me, sitting behind my big desk in my office, all dressed in Mommy’s clothes, with the pearl necklace hanging all the way to my waist and the big high heels dangling from my little feet as I try to peer over the top of the glass and hold meetings about my financial future.

Sheesh. It’s no wonder I found myself sitting in my backyard on Monday anxiously pouring over every last decision I still need to make in this transition instead of just relaxing. After I got myself worked up to the point of tears, I decided ENOUGH. Enough worrying, time to start trusting. Time to pull on the big girl boots and put on the red lipstick and finish out this part of the journey.

So I did.

I had one last big decision to make, and Monday afternoon, I made it. No more hemming and hawing, no more maybe this, maybe that. I made my decision, I trust that it’s the right decision, and I’m moving forward. Whatever comes will come. I will handle whatever life throws my way. Because the big girl part of me has become a lot stronger than the little girl part of me, and I trust that she’ll take care of both of us.

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Finding Peace Within the Noise

August 22, 2011 in Life by GG | No comments

My belly is pink. Top to bottom, left to right, all round my belly button, is pink.

We just got home from four glorious days in San Diego. I was content to just sit next to the pool. And eat. And nap. And play games with my son. And eat and nap some more. I was content to just be.

I always forget how much I need this down time until I actually get it. Our original plans for a summer vacation got pushed aside when my husband had a health scare a few months ago. We never really got around to planning anything else because — well, to be honest, we let ourselves get 100% sucked in to work.

Work and obligations are never-ending, but somehow, when I’m in the thick of it, I lose sight of the rest of life. Instead of realizing I need to step back and take a break to get some perspective, I tend to keep pushing. I think, ‘When I get through this, I’ll have time for a break.’ But you know what? When I get through that “thing,” another “thing” pops up. And then another, and another. So those breaks — my chance to regroup and gain perspective on all those “things” — have to be scheduled in. Sure, the feelings of guilt and responsibility try to creep in. I hear the inner critic say, “You have to finish this, you have to take care of that before you give yourself a break.” That is the voice I need a vacation from, most of the time.

A few days of space and distance, and permission to eat over-priced room service oatmeal, have a way of calming the over-critical inner voice. Just sitting in a chair watching boats in the harbor or playing water fight with my son connect me to what is truly important: The love I have for my family, the beauty of the world around me, the contentment I have with who I am and where I’m at in life. All the rest — responsibilities and obligations and decisions and returns on investments, et., etc., etc. — is just noise. Important noise, some of it. But really, just noise.

So, I’m starting my week this Monday morning grateful for my pink belly and the three pounds I *ahem* “found” over the past few days. Because these bits of evidence remind me of who I am and the foundation I have built, aside from all that “noise.” And I can move forward and tackle my responsibilities and obligations this week with a clear sense of purpose. I have reconnected to the peace that is at the center of the noise.

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